Recipe: Epic Toasted Quinoa Breakfast Bowl

Toasted Quinoa Flakes with apples and cinnamon? Snore. Quinoa hot cereal topped with fresh fruit? Puh-lease. Get ready for a breakfast bowl that will punch your morning square in the mouth. Presenting the Epic Toasted Quinoa Breakfast Bowl. (Que blazing guitar solo.) 



  • Toasted Quinoa Hot Cereal (Quinoa Flakes) 
  • Chia seeds
  • Slivered almonds
  • Ceylon cinnamon
  • Thrash metal
  • Turmeric
  • Black pepper
  • Himalayan pink salt
  • Apple cider vinegar
  • Coconut oil
  • Sriracha
  • Kimchi
  • Cordyceps mushrooms 


  1. Carefully read through all the steps before beginning so it turns out just right. 
  2. Prepare Toasted Quinoa Hot Cereal as directed on package. 
  3. Top with chia seeds, almonds and a dusting of cinnamon. 
  4. Blare your favorite thrash metal - we like Nuclear Assault. 
  5. Add turmeric, black pepper, and remaining ingredients. 
  6. Add even more pungent superfoods - maybe some kombucha? 
  7. Serve while hot - try not to hurt anyone with your newfound super-strength and boundless energy. 
  8. Do not actually make this. It won't hurt you, but it will definitely be disgusting. Happy April Fool's Day!